How into the wild should have started
by MallowBloom
Summary: Hello fellow Fanfictioners! Echotrail and I got together again and decided that since we got such positive feedback on our How the darkest hour should have ended, we though we d make another! Only this time, we are creating a parody of Into the wild. Hope guys enjoy it! Disclaimer: Will contain spoilers and randomness. -Mallowbloom and Echotrail.
1. Chapter 1

How Warriors-Into The Wild Should have Started

WARNING: Spoilers And Extreme Randomness

(duh)

By: Echotrail and Mallowbloom

-Prologue-

A half moon glowed on smooth granite boulders, and somewhere, far, far away, in the jungle, the mighty jungle... (Oops, wrong scene)

Suddenly, the rocks were alive with screeching cats.

And then, an overweight cat named Tigerclaw pinned Oakheart down.

"Oakheart! Were you... Tresspassing?!" (DUN, DUN, DUN!)

"Well, after tonight, Tigerclaw, I`ll die, Redtail will die, and my arrogant Riverclan Warriors will rub this victory in your faces, by doing absolutely no hunting on these rocks, and just sun ourselves!" Oakheart began to laugh, but it was cut short when he started choking on a fur ball. (By the way, he already read the warrior books)

"Spoilers dude!" Tigerclaw meowed.

Suddenly, there was a weak, video game style death shriek after a player receives damage."AUGHHH!"

Tigerclaw spun around to see Riverclan Warriors leaping up the slippery rocks, but it was futile, they continued to slip, fall and trip.

Finally, after almost five minutes of mindless tripping and slipping, the cats gave up, and went around.

"You may swim like penguins," Tigerclaw yelled, then paused, glancing around. "Um, sort of, but you do not belong in this forest!"

"Well why not?" A random cat that we are making for the sole purpose of saying one line that you are supposed to ignore and move on said.

"Hmm, I don`t know actually..." Tigerclaw admitted. "I mean you`re a cat, I`m a cat, well except you, Oakheart, I think you`re a squirrel, but uh... I had a bit of catnip this afternoon and these ghost like figures, uh... Told me to fight y`all to the death so... I`m going to listen to em..." He said, swaying slightly, eyes crossed and pupils dilated.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" A Thunderclan she-cat screeched.

Tigerclaw heard the cry, looked up from Oakheart, and hollered back. "Everything okay, Mousefur? You get hurt or something?"

"Sorry, I stepped on a Lego!" She called back.

Tigerclaw turned back to face Oakheart, fuming. "You sick monster! How dare you drop Lego like three year old! Have you no manners?"

"OW I stepped on it again, damn it! I'm telling mom!" Mousefur complained.

"Mom's not here!" A random cat mocked.

"I'm going back to camp then, losers!" Mousefur retorted, stomping off with a hurt paw.

"Tigerclaw, this is useless!" Redtail yowled. (He's the Victim. Told You There Were Spoilers.)

"Well I'm not listening, I'm going to kill you so that I can become leader after I kill Bluestar!" Tigerstar growled. "Er, I mean, I have no plans!" (The Killer. DUH.)

Tigerstar then lunged at Redtail and violently killed him, so violent that we can't even describe it.

At that point, both clans had left. Thunderclan's reason: Tired of stepping on lego. Riverclan's reason: Half of them unable to get on Sunningrocks.

In the Thunderclan clearing, Bluestar sat alone while being stalked by the medicine cat, Spottedleaf.

"How's Mousefur?" Bluestar asked, clearly noticing Spottedleaf's heavy breathing.

Spottedleaf stepped out of her hiding spot. "She stepped on a lot of Lego, but she'll be fine, she's not _that_ old."

"And yet, Redtail mysteriously died when he was left alone on Sunningrocks with Tigerclaw... I wonder who killed him?" Bluestar said. "Oh! And you are a very useless cat, Spottedleaf, go die."

"Yes, master..." spottedleaf meowed, going to her den to dig a hole.

When Spottedleaf had left, Bluestar, being the old cat that she was, began talking to herself, as usual.

"I lost... I never lose... Of course, Sunstar lost, he's a loser, but me...? Lose? I need more warriors, to win..."

Suddenly, a well placed shooting star darted across the night sky.

"OOH! A shooting star! I wonder what it means?" Bluestar shrieked.

A voice whispered into her ear. "Tiger will rule."

Bluestar frowned. "That can't be Tigerclaw!"

Somewhere, Starclan, the poor spirits all facepawed. (Facepalmed)

Yes, more chapters will be coming soon my little followers, and as Echotrail always says, "PATIENCE!" So yes, this is quite random, but it's just all in good fun. Hope you enjoyed! :)


	2. Chapter 2

a\How Warriors- Into the Wild Should Have Started

Part 2

WARING: Spoilers and Randomness

(Duh)

By: Echotrail and Mallowbloom

Rusty the all too overly pampered house cat strutted around his garden, looking for the perfect place to make his morning dirt.

"Psst, hey Rusty!" a voice called.

Rusty cringed. _Oh no… _He thought to himself as he slowly turned around.

His next-door neighbor, Smudge, sat on the fence, an eerie grin on his face as he waved a paw.

"What is it now, Smudge?" Rusty asked, clearly annoyed with his neighbor's shenanigans.

"Well," Smudge began his eyes wide. "I was watching you, like usual, when all of a sudden…"

"Smudge; have your twolegs been feeding you catnip again?"

Smudge's eyes widened with shock. "M-Me, eat catnip?" He stammered, pressing a paw dramatically against his chest. "Why Rusty, of all the outrageous accusations you've ever made, this one is indeed the most absurd!"

Rusty rolled his eyes as his friend continued to ramble. "Well, I'm headed off into the forest to chill, even though there's probably a bunch of savage animals that could tear my limb from limb."

"And I said, what do you mean log? That's a colored vegetable!" Smudge blurted out. "W-Wait… You're what?"

"I'm going out into the forest, I plan to catch a mouse, even though I have no experience what so ever in catching prey!" Rusty exclaimed.

"B-But Rusty… You're going to miss our purple unicorn ceremony!" Smudge wailed, flailing his paws like a headless chicken.

Rusty ignored his poor friend and leapt over the fence that separated the twoleg nests from the outside world.

-Meanwhile, in the Thunderclan camp-

"They've littered sunningrocks with Lego Bluestar! It's completely covered in it! Have they no manners? Have they no shame?" Tigerclaw announced dramatically, strutting in front of the old she-cat as he spoke.

"How dare they?" Bluestar yowled, fur bristling. "Sandpaw, Dustpaw, go get the paintballs and Nerf Guns!"

"And the crazy spray…?" Sandpaw asked devilishly.

"Yes, yes, all that! Now leave me at once, I can't stand to look at your distasteful faces longer. I think you're giving me a migraine!" Bluestar hissed.

Sandpaw and Dustpaw trotted away carrying a duffle bag filled with their instruments of destruction.

"Graypaw, get your lazy butt over here and quit playing with Ravenpaw, he's a loser! I told you that already! Didn't your mother teach you anything?" Bluestar sneered.

Graypaw rushed over to the distressed she-cat. "Yes your highness?" He asked.

"I need you to get me…" she paused. "A cat… So that I may win…" She whispered.

"You mean a clan cat, or a kittypet, or a rouge, or a-"

"Any cat," Bluestar spat, cutting Graypaw off. "Just trick it into coming to Thunderclan. I need it… To win…"

"Uh… Sure thing you craziness- er, I mean, your highness." Graypaw stuttered, padding away.

"Yes, yes…" Bluestar chanted; rubbing her paws together, a sickly looking grin on her face. "I need more cats… More, more! To win…" She whispered.

Just then, two innocent little kits trotted up to Bluestar, unaware they were about to be scarred for life. "Um, excuse me?" One mewed.

"What do you want?! Get away! Nothing to see here! Frostfur, come get your useless fur balls out of my face! How many times do I have to tell you, I'm allergic to them? Weee-ew! Weee-ew!" Bluestar shrieked, imitating a siren.

Frostfur sighed, trotting over to the highrock to collect her two startled kits. "You do realize you're a cat too right? How can you be allergic to cats, if you _are _one?" She inquired.

"I'm normal, but these kits of yours…" Bluestar waved a paw. "Not so much…"

Frostfur groaned and led her two kits away from Bluestar.

"Ha, ha, ha- Ouch, I'm constipated! Your two kits made me constipated; you shall pay, by going into the hole of shame for three days while being forced to listen to Justin Bieber!" Bluestar yowled.

"Not again…" Frostfur sighed, trotting towards the hole of shame.


End file.
